I’m writing books. This is no secret; I’ve been writing books of one sort or another since I was about seven years old. Recently, what with the children not being babies any more and with me having a bit more flexible time again, I’ve managed to produce a fair amount of work - artwork as well as writing. It feels good. My biggest achievements in the past eighteen months or so, at least in terms of word-count, are two books written in collaboration with my friend Mathew Taylor. The first is The Everlasting Monday. It’s huge. It's exciting. I’m still editing it... The second is The Scream. It’s not much bigger than a novella but is also exciting - and it’s ‘out there’. It’s available on Kindle under the pen name Ruth Mathews
http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Scream-ebook/dp/B005CW53LM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324968878&sr=8-1
and will soon be available in paperback too with a sparkly new cover and with disambiguated author names. A collection of my poetry will also be published in the next couple of months...
How?
Print On Demand.
Self Publishing.
It feels like a confession...
A year ago I said I’d never go down this route. A year ago I hadn’t written The Scream... A lot can happen in a year.
I sent The Scream to a publisher. Just the one. The editor rejected it on theological grounds. Apparently it was too unorthodox for them... After that I set up an author account on Authonomy, the writers’ website. The Scream did well on there and got some very encouraging feedback. I also found out just how many writers there are, some of whom are really very gifted, who are waiting for a big publisher to ‘spot’ them. I came across people who spat disdain at the whole idea of self publishing and others who had decided that it was the best route for them, especially as it is becoming a very respectable route for an author to take. I remained quite adamant that I would wait for a publisher’s endorsement - my pride demanded it...
Then something changed. It’s difficult to say what, exactly. The Scream is still very new. I’ve barely begun looking for a publisher; I certainly haven’t reached the point where I’ve given up hoping for one. It’s not ‘giving up’ that’s motivated me to self-publish. Perhaps it’s a laying down. Of pride... of my agenda... But it is a positive thing - a conviction and a decision.
This is what I've realised: That my gift - my raison d’aitre, my ‘calling’ perhaps - is to write, paint, make music; to create all sorts of other worlds where I can raise questions and explore ideas and where people can join me if they want to. What I’ve realised recently is that I have to give my gift away. I have to make my creations, my worlds, available to anyone who wants to explore them. They are not mine to hold onto until I am given a certain level of recognition or endorsement.
Publishing these books, in this way at this time, is my way of letting go of my preferences and my pride. In self-publishing I am opening up my hand. I won’t be tight-fisted with what I’ve been given or with what I’ve created. My creations are nothing if they are not shared. I hope you will share them with me. I hope they will be a blessing... Watch this space!
www.ruthmathews.net
